The Oldest Man in the World

Benito Martínez Abrogán, believed to be the oldest man in the world, died on October 11th at the ripe old age of 126 (though no one is certain due to poor birth records in his native Haiti). Regardless, Mr. Martínez claimed that he was born in 1880, which I find to be absolutely amazing, as well as true. Just look at him - could a face like that ever lie?



Anyway, according to his obituary in the Economist, Mr. Martínez never even saw a doctor in his adopted Cuba until the age of roughly 115. Which just proves my point, things like anti-bacterial hand sanitizing gel are TOTALLY silly. We just don't need them. People have been getting by and doing amazing things FOREVER - way before anyone ever thought up crazy things like macrobiotic diets and anti-bacterial hand sanitizing gel! Also, since his "fresh" diet mainly consisted of cassava and sweet potatoes cooked in pork fat, I really think I may be on to something with my rather pork heavy diet.

So now we just need a...

TELEPORTER. Why won't these "scientists" get off their ASSES? Listen, I'd like to be invisible just as much as the next guy, but to be honest, I'm mainly interested in teleporting.

In other news, Youthlarge must be pacing the fuck out of her apartment right now because of these guys.

Invisibility Cloak Update!

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath. So here, read this.

Florida is Whack (partially plagiarized from P-New)

Dear Florida,

You are whack. Your politicians are perves and your athletes are thugs. Even your chads are pregnant. SLUTS. Whatever happened to remembering your ABC's - Abstinence, Be faithful, and last but not least, Condomize. I'm not even going to go into your crappy architecture, gated communities and strip malls. But I thank you Florida because I now think we may actually be able to take back the House next month, due in large part, to YOU.

Sincerely,

CLC