China-Latina

Sorry Diebold...

2007-02-02T09:36:00.001-05:00

Wow – a paper trail. Who’d have thought you might ever need to audit an election...In FLORIDA!

Annoying Email Correspondence w/ Belligerent Crazy Person

2007-01-30T12:54:00.000-05:00

If you feel so inclined, read this email strain regarding this year's Chili Champion of the Universe competition. (Reader: Please note that to date there have only been two competitions and I have won both.)

Me: I know I'll be out of the family, but I really do not want to participate at all this year. As the two-time champion, I do not feel like having to go to the trouble or expense of a preliminary round. Also, I thought my chili last year was creative and delicious. I don't know if I can, or even want to best it. Two rounds of chili equals big bucks and I'm just not flush these days. I'm temping right now and starting a new job on February 8th, so I really can't justify spending 150 to 200 bucks on two weeks worth of chili expenses.

BCP: I find your spending estimates completely exaggerated. The CCU recognizes you as only a one-time champion, and while we regard your chili as exemplary, you only did one round last year, whereas this year's champ wins two consecutively. Plus, you have preference of bracket, nobody else has that. So, I feel the reigning champion has a responsibility to defend the title. Nobody can take the first from you, but I think it's kinda pussy not to battle this year.

Me: The spending estimates are not exagerated at all. A decent chili costs at least $60 to make. Times two is $120. I live in Brooklyn by Nate and will have to take a car with my chili. With tip, that can run anywhere from $15 to $20. Times two is $30 to $40. Cost aside, I just don't want to do it. I won the first year. Period. You framed it as a competition, I entered my chili and won. For whatever reason, you do not count that as a victory and that's just plain wrong. Last year I entered and won again. If the CCU fails to recognize me as a two-time champion, then I have no interest in continuing my affiliation with it. But please, let me stress again, that I just have no interest in doing it this year. If you think that's a pussy move on my part, fine, I can live with that. I think it would be an even pussier move on my part to let you bully me into doing something that I have neither the time, money or inclination to do.

In summation - I am not competing this year. Having already won twice, I have nothing to prove and don't feel like doing it. The end.

BCP: There wasn't even a vote the first year, only Nate saying, "Beth's chili is better," so sorry, that doesn't cut it by today's CCU standards. You're a one-time winner, who's technically only won one round in her entire chili career. Your estimates are still outrageous, and i could have had you paired with nate and/or zach to reduce travel expenses.

Your 'non-interest' might make a shred of sense if it wasn't supported by "i have nothing to prove" because you have much to prove, since this year's competition features 6 new chefs, all of which are determined to kick your ass in the competition. And frankly, given your bye last year, and non-vote battle against one same-day-made chili the year before, this year's winner will have already proven more than you. Hey, all due respect to the champ, but that's the way it is. I accept your resignation. You are more than welcome to attend the tournament as spectator.

Me: The consensus among the first year judges was that my chili was superior. To assert that only Nate had an opinion in a room filled with opinionated people is utterly absurd. The fact that you cooked your chili on the same day and that there were not more competitors the first year is simply not my problem and does not negate my win. Do you also discount the first World Series because there were only 16 teams back then? Also, I maintain that my cost estimates are not at all exaggerated. Whatever. All of this is moot in that the overarching point is that I don't want to participate. If you think that as the defending champion I do in fact have something to prove, we can both be glad that I am not you.

Best of luck to all of the competitors!

BCP: You won't get the last word in here, sweetheart! We weren't diminishing your win, we were telling you what there is to prove, as you are acting quite the jaded diva who thinks she's nothing left to prove. Well, a competitor is what makes a champion. Take it from Teddy:

It's not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or when the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.

Me: No disrespect to our twenty-sixth president, but frankly my dear - well, you know the rest. Besides, I'm more interested in Teddy's cousin, the democrat from Hyde Park who steered our country through the Depression and a little something I like to call WORLD WAR II. Regardless, like I said, I JUST DON'T WANT TO PARTICIPATE. Call me a pussy, diva, whatever. I HAVE WON TWICE. TAKE A FUCKING POLL. If you had won the inaugural competition in 2005, I have a funny feeling that you would count it as a victory, so I'm wondering why my victory is being deemed null and void here... Also, YOU AREN'T EVEN COMPETING THIS YEAR. Why? Because I humiliated you two years in a row? Feeling a little like Peter Berg at the end of the Last Seduction, are we? Listen sweet-tits - I am done with the CCU because I SIMPLY DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I'm really not sure how I can make this any clearer. Feel free to leaf through your little book of famous quotations, but please have the dignity to acknowledge that I have just uttered the last word on this, the great chili debate of 2007.

SO ANNOYING.

Already thinking about Pesach...

2007-01-11T11:40:00.000-05:00

Well, we took back the House, so that was good. But a certain former Texas Rangers shareholder is sending at least 20,000 more US troops over to Iraq, which I obviously think sucks. As such, I have decided to turn my thoughts to the most magical time of year for Jews and Christians (well, for me at least) alike - PASSOVER! Mark your calendars everyone! The fist night of Passover is Monday, April 2nd - I can't wait. I already have kugel brains... Let's start thinking about the Four Questions:

1) Why is it that on all other nights during the year we eat either bread or matzoh, but on this night we eat only matzoh?
2) Why is it that on all other nights we eat all kinds of herbs, but on this night we eat only bitter herbs?
3) Why is it that on all other nights we do not dip our herbs even once, but on this night we dip them twice?
4) Why is it that on all other nights we eat either sitting or reclining, but on this night we eat in a reclining position?

We'll discuss the answers on April 2nd. If you're little, I'm going to hide the afikoman from you!

Let’s Take Back the House this Tuesday

2006-11-03T12:45:00.000-05:00

Earlier this week I was riding home on the 4 train from work (I’ve been temping lately) and I overheard a conversation that really moved me for some reason. A man and a woman got on the train at Brooklyn Bridge – City Hall and stood right in front of where I was sitting. They seemed to be in their mid to late forties and mid thirties respectively. From what I gathered, the gentleman worked some sort of maintenance job for a company that had at one time occupied two buildings, but closed one down over the summer, causing layoffs and the cutting of hours based upon seniority. Initially, this change did not affect him, but recently he was cut back from five days a week to three days a week. He sounded disappointed and mentioned that it was lousy timing with the holidays approaching, but that he felt it would work out and he’d be back up to five days at some point. He wasn’t necessarily optimistic, but there was something really heartwarming in his tone that conveyed acceptance and the belief that things would get better. Listening to him made me feel sad, but oddly hopeful. And then I started crying. I reread the hilarious article in the previous post, with the hopes that it would make me laugh again, or that if anyone saw me crying they might just assume I was reading something really sad. Anyway, it prompted me to start thinking about our wounded country, how we got here and the hope that things will look a lot brighter when I wake up on November 8th.

I mean, it’s fairly obvious how we got here. Have you ever seen that movie The American President? Despite the fact that it’s not terribly good, I sort of liked it (read liked it a lot). I usually enjoy all movies with fake presidents. I especially loved Dave, but that’s not important right now. Anyway, Michael Zeta-Jones plays the Commander in Chief, who is on the receiving end of some horrible mudslinging coming from the far right. He refuses to respond to it as it has to do with his romantical life, which is personal and therefore off limits. His silence prompts one of his key staffers, played by Michael J. Fox, who will always just be APK to me, to take him to task with the following:

“People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.”

Cheesy, formulaic and trite? Definitely, but APK is nothing if not on point. Because democrats have largely been dispassionate, standing for everything and anything, which ultimately translates to nothing (with the exception of a reborn Al Gore – my favorite!), we’ve been completely alienated from our own government by conservative mustache-twisting assholes, who inexplicably have abandoned our forefathers’ doctrine of separation of church and state. And our countrymen have accepted and chosen this with open arms, simply because the conservatives are actually saying and believing in something. Their enthusiasm for their backward ideals has caused many Americans to vote for perceived morals, rather than their own self interests. The democrats are looking out for them, but they don’t even know it. But I really feel that a lot of this has changed over the last year, with people growing weary of the war in Iraq and the now more obvious hypocrisy of elected republican officials. For instance, I am extremely grateful to Congressman Foley, who is hardly a bastion of morality. I have to say, I think his highly publicized pervey behavior will really help us win back some seats.

And now that the junior Senator from Massachusetts is off the campaign trail, postponing his fledgling career in comedy, I think we should be ok.

Listen, I may sound really jaded and un-patriotic, but the truth is, I’m a huge patriot. I was adopted from Thailand where I am certain, had I remained, that I would be a prostitute leading a bleak life filled with perverted British ex-pats. But instead I got to come here and live a life filled with privilege and opportunity. I love this country and I want to feel good about it again. I just hope that my fellow countrymen don’t break my heart the way they did in 2004. I really believe that enough people, my mother included, have successfully removed their heads from their assholes at this point to vote democrat this Tuesday. But with so many Americans inexplicably lacking health insurance, who knows? I would imagine a procedure like that would be prohibitively expensive for someone who is uninsured.

But truly, I am hopeful - for myself, this country and that nice man on the subway who is just trying to get by. With any luck he’ll be back up to five days a week in the New Year.

OK, climbing off my soapbox now, but if you live in New York City and don’t know where to vote, click here.

If you email our Commander in Chief, he DEFFINITELY will not write you back.

2006-11-01T10:10:00.000-05:00

Newell sent me this article last week. It made me laugh out loud on the subway. Several times.

The Oldest Man in the World

2006-10-23T14:42:00.000-04:00

Benito Martínez Abrogán, believed to be the oldest man in the world, died on October 11th at the ripe old age of 126 (though no one is certain due to poor birth records in his native Haiti). Regardless, Mr. Martínez claimed that he was born in 1880, which I find to be absolutely amazing, as well as true. Just look at him - could a face like that ever lie?

Anyway, according to his obituary in the Economist, Mr. Martínez never even saw a doctor in his adopted Cuba until the age of roughly 115. Which just proves my point, things like anti-bacterial hand sanitizing gel are TOTALLY silly. We just don't need them. People have been getting by and doing amazing things FOREVER - way before anyone ever thought up crazy things like macrobiotic diets and anti-bacterial hand sanitizing gel! Also, since his "fresh" diet mainly consisted of cassava and sweet potatoes cooked in pork fat, I really think I may be on to something with my rather pork heavy diet.

So now we just need a...

2006-10-19T22:27:00.000-04:00

TELEPORTER. Why won't these "scientists" get off their ASSES? Listen, I'd like to be invisible just as much as the next guy, but to be honest, I'm mainly interested in teleporting.

In other news, Youthlarge must be pacing the fuck out of her apartment right now because of these guys.

Invisibility Cloak Update!

2006-10-19T17:55:00.000-04:00

I know you've all been waiting with bated breath. So here, read this.

Florida is Whack (partially plagiarized from P-New)

2006-10-18T16:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Florida,

You are whack. Your politicians are perves and your athletes are thugs. Even your chads are pregnant. SLUTS. Whatever happened to remembering your ABC's - Abstinence, Be faithful, and last but not least, Condomize. I'm not even going to go into your crappy architecture, gated communities and strip malls. But I thank you Florida because I now think we may actually be able to take back the House next month, due in large part, to YOU.

Sincerely,

CLC

Lame and Creepy Note from Ex-Roommate

2006-09-14T16:44:00.002-04:00

So, earlier this month I abruptly moved out of my beloved C-Town because of my horrible, thieving roommate. Let's just call her Pathetic Selfish Douche. Anyway, in an effort to assuage her guilt, and/or to raise her standing in the court of public opinion, PSD left me this incredibly lame note:

Beth-

I have enclosed your deposit and the refund of the repairs. You will find an additional $20 - this is because last year I took a bra from your room for an event, intending to wash and return it. I never got around to it - I was ashamed I hadn't at least asked in the first place, which I should have done - and it seems inadequate to simply return it. Please consider the $20 a replacement, or a rental - the original item is clean and in a bag to the right of the TV.

Maybe there's no way to ask someone to move out without creating bad feelings but I wish I had found a more graceful way to bring the matter up. I definitely wish I had taken the care to acknowledge that this is a particularly difficult time for you and to make it clear that I intended to bring it up and start a process that was not a rush. For what it is worth to you, I apologize for my lack of respect in this and other matters.

Sincerely,
PSD

CREEPY! Anyway, I respectfully declined her apology, flipped over her note and wrote on the back something like this:

PSD,

This apology is for you, not for me, and frankly, I have no interest in helping you feel better about yourself or the way you have acted over the past few years. After everything that has happened (including skimming off the top for ConEd and setting up a secret slush fund with additional monies you collected), I truly feel that you are a horrible person - this note does not change that.

-Beth

I guess all of the ugliness that happened over the apartment was sort of worth it, if for no other reason than at the very end I got to see how truly sad and pathetic she really is. What kind of person steals a bra and feels SHAME over it for an entire year or so? Like I said, LAME and CREEPY.

NOTE: It is now 2010 and I am happy to report that this ancient grudge has been put to rest. I am even happier to report that I now like the antagonist of this post quite a bit. Though, in the interest of maintaining the integrity and voice of this blog, I have decided to leave it up, unedited.

We Just Got a New Cat

2006-08-23T14:36:00.000-04:00

Her name is Rita, which makes me feel really awkward. She also has really long orange hair, which makes me feel even more awkward. Yesterday I told her that I would really like to get to know her, but that I might not be able to get past her appearance. Despite feeling super odd about her, I did manage to write a song for her called 'Another Disgusting Lunch with Rita'. Later that night we hung out a bit more and I guess she's pretty cool. She does this crazy thing with her two front paws when she's trying to get your attention. It's pretty cute. We watched the Da Vinci Code together. My eyes started to sort of itch and I got a headache, which means that I am either allergic to Rita, or to abysmal Tom Hanks vehicles. Probably both, but DEFINITELY the latter.

I Just Found Out That My Roommate is Half ASIAN

2006-08-11T02:02:00.000-04:00

So, I was just having drinks in Chinatown: the Apartment with Big Eli and my roommate Drew. During the course of the conversation, I discovered something extremely interesting. Now, since Drew looks Latino and is from Texas, I always made the assumption that he was Tex-Mexican. Well, as it turns out, Drew's mother is a Filipina, which makes him half Filipino, which means that for the last year and nine months I've been living under the same roof as someone who is half ASIAN and had NO idea! I can't believe it. All this time, I was living my life thinking that the only Asian I spent any significant amount of time with was Youthlarge! This revelation left me in hysterics. I literally felt like my brain was starting to leak out of my ear. I don't know if it was the booze or the whippets (just kidding, I haven't done those in years), but I seriously could not stop cracking up. It's funny how finding out someone is Asian can really change the way you look at them. Though, I guess what I find even funnier is how you can look at someone and not even know that they're Asian! Ha! By the way, he's totally one-upping me on this whole Chino-Latino thing. As it turns out, his father is half Spanish and half Mexican, while his mother is all Filipina. So jealous!

I May Not Be a Thai Princess After All

2006-08-07T02:43:00.000-04:00

I stumbled across this article in last week's Economist. I don't think I look like the King of Thailand AT ALL. Maybe it's because he's part Chinese and I, presumably, am not. Also, I had no idea he bore such a striking resemblance to Alfred E. Neuman. The more I think about it though, I don't really think I look that Thai in general. I sort of see a resemblance between myself and Tiger Woods, but maybe that's only because he's famous for being really great at golf and I had a fairly WASPy upbringing, despite being neither white, Anglo-Saxon, nor Protestant. Hmmm. So, I google imaged 'Thai women' and it's official, I don't think I'm really Thai. Strangers are constantly asking me if I'm a Filipina - maybe they're on to something. I mean, I guess that WOULD explain my fixation with being a China-Latina. When I was little, my mother told me that my name in Thailand was Malyaat, which translates to 'good manners'. Well, I just googled it and came up pretty empty handed. WTF? I seriously smell a rat. Has everyone been lying to me this whole time? I used to think I was an exiled illegitimate Thai princess, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm really from Laos or Cambodia. I'm going to ask Listmaker what he thinks when he gets back from Asia.

I Love the London Twins and High School

2006-08-01T14:04:00.000-04:00

I just finished watching Dazed and Confused (thanks SHR and DMR!). This is a great movie, filled with attractive people getting high and making out. YES! I hate the part when that girl Jodi lures Jason London into the woods to make out and then when he goes to cop a feel is all 'um, don't you have a girlfriend?' and then he's like 'what girlfriend?' and then that's it. End of hook up. WTF? Not to be crass, but if she didn't want him to feel her up, then why did she lure him into the woods in the first place? Women and their mind games! And what woman in her right mind wouldn't want to hook up with a London twin? They're both so dreamy. The fact that Jason London can look totally smoking, despite wearing a purple BLOUSE and white bell bottoms for the bulk of the film, is a testament to his hotness.

Even though they look more or less identical, I do find Jeremy London to be the hotter of the two. Maybe it's because he's the one I fell in love with first on NBC's I'll Fly Away, also starring Sam Waterston, another old favorite of mine, as an Atticus Finchy type character in the deep South. I'm just now remembering that Jeremy London's character loses his virginity to a Jewish girl, which was sort of a big deal because the show took place in 1950's Alabama (I think). What a great, thought provoking show...I'm going to Netflick the fuck out of it!

Anyway, watching Dazed and Confused makes me really nostalgic for high school (My alma mater has its own website, but I find it funny that there's a Wikipedia entry for it. How weird.). Obviously. Spring of my senior year was seriously the best, largely due to the fact that I had mono. My mono experience could not have been more fantastic. I didn't really feel that sick or tired, but I still got to stay home from school for the entire Spring semester. It worked out perfectly because my best friend, Jeff Kessler, was doing a senior project on Native American Indians, so he didn't have to go to school either! He would come over everyday and I would make him watch Swing Kids (I totally have a Bale fetish) with me as we smoked Newport Lights in my TV room. I kept trying to convince him to watch Eight Men Out, but for some reason he just never wanted to. Which was a shame because Eight Men Out is a much better movie than Swing Kids. I'll even go a step further and say that Swing Kids is a terrible movie, but I couldn't stop watching it. At some point, Dazed and Confused was released on video, so we started watching that non-stop instead of Swing Kids.

Eventually, I was able to return to school. At that time, I was told by our Dean of Students, Char Charleton, that I had already amassed enough credits to graduate (never dropping a math, science, history or French, as so many do, really paid off!), so my presence was not required. In fact it was discouraged, as she felt my return would be distracting to the other students. Hmmmm. Regardless, this was a great development for me, as it meant that JK and I were free to stop by school to meet our other friends who actually attended (poor schmucks) for lunch. No ducking down in the front passenger seat required!

Memories.

Things That Gross Me Out

2006-07-28T14:25:00.000-04:00

1) Knowing that Clerks II exists. WTF? I think Kevin Smith is a one trick pony and frankly, I do not like his trick. I did like Mallrats though.

2) Wasting 1.5 hours watching America's Got Talent on Bravo. Watching shows like this is like eating fried food. It always seems like a good idea at the time and then you feel really gross and yucky afterward.

3) Spending an hour on the New York Sex Offender Registry website, looking up known sex offenders by zip code. Looking at these profiles is seriously disturbing, but totally engrossing at the same time. I would link you, but I think it would be inappropriate.

4) Being spied on on the interwebs by someone's paranoid and suspicious wife and then subsequently being blamed for their marital problems. (More on that later, I'm just still too livid about it to make a dedicated post, but let me just say that twice in the last six months these two have tried to make me the fall guy for their poor communication with each other. Really gross and embarrassing for them.)

Feeling thoroughly grossed out now.

I'm weird. I'm a girl.

2006-07-14T12:54:00.000-04:00

WARNING: If you actually know me, you might find the candor of this entry to be extremely uncomfortable.

So, last Saturday was one of my worst nights ever. I was at a party where I acted like a total drunken bitch and I have NO recollection of it. I've been able to put pieces of the night together with the help of some friends, but the scary thing is, left to my own devices I would be totally oblivious. I was THAT atrociously drunk. The trouble all started because of a boy. I've slept with this guy a couple of times, but it was never meant to be a big deal. After the first time, I didn't think that much of it, other than it was fun and I wouldn't mind doing it again. A short while later, we made out a little, at my suggestion, but he felt all weird about it and subsequently told me that friends should not hook up with friends. It's just too potentially messy. I now see that he was right, except I never actually thought we were friends, so I was like WTF? A short while after that, we ran into each other on the LES and ended up sleeping together again, this time at his suggestion. After the second time, and honestly, I don't know if it was just a chemical reaction, or if it was actual feelings, but I got the idea in my head that I liked him. I don't know, maybe it was because he was really nice to me, causing me to mistake fucking for something else. At some point I asked him out for a drink and in a really nice way he was like, I don't want to start dating and I don't want to continue fooling around either. I accepted this and let it go. Except I guess I really didn't - let it go that is. Otherwise Saturday night never would have happened. I was so horrible to him. The idea of running into him literally makes me sick to my stomach, because seeing him will remind me of being one of the worst manifestations of myself possible. I was rude, aggressive, jealous and following him around like a puppy dog. But not a cute puppy dog. A really mean rabid puppy dog, whose owner should seriously consider having put down. It was a mess. The saddest part to me though is that I'm not really an asshole, so the fact that I acted like such a huge one makes me really disappointed in myself. I was so drunk that I honestly don't even know what types of venomous stuff I even said to him, but I gather that it was really bad. He really lost his temper with me and rightfully so. It was the first time he ever treated me like some weird girl whom he had fucked a couple of times and had completely lost his patience for.

Anyway, over the next few days, as I tried to figure out what exactly happened that night, I got really sad, but also scared. I found it really alarming that I could be so atrocious and out of control and literally have no recollection of it. I mean, intuitively I know exactly what happened - I had a crush on someone, he didn't like me back and was flirting with everyone else at the party, I was already drunk and getting drunker by the minute and started acting like a total bitch because my feelings were hurt. It's a common enough scenario, but it still left me feeling like shit. As sad as I am that I will probably never be friendly with this person again, I'm actually glad that this whole ugly episode happened because it acted as a catalyst for reexamining a lot of other things going on with me that are either destructive, or simply don't make sense.

I've always looked to sex to fill other voids in my life. Anyone who has tried this knows that it ABSOLUTELY does not work, though that has never stopped me from trying. And I'm sure I will again. When I think about the things that make me upset that I just try to ignore, or the various times in my life when I've just felt really hollow inside and looked to physical intimacy as consolation, well let's just say it makes me incredibly sad and disappointed in myself.

The other major thing I struggle with is my relationship with alcohol. Sometimes getting drunk can cause me to be really fun and effusive, but sometimes it can result in what happened last Saturday. Now that I'm thirty, the guessing game has completely lost its charm. Waking up and wondering if I owe people apologies, or if I really embarrassed myself the night before just isn't as acceptable as it was when I was twenty-two, and let's face it, it wasn't all that acceptable back then either.

I'm just having a lot of growing pains right now. I'm really trying though.

So, when's the teleporter going to be ready?

2006-05-29T14:22:00.000-04:00

I just read in the Economist that a team of scientists has developed a near perfect pattern for an invisibility cloak. I find this really exciting. There are some MAJOR issues that still need to be worked out though. Like, being invisible will also cause you to be essentially blind, as your body will not be absorbing any light, therefore your eyes will ALSO not be absorbing any light, making sight an impossibility. Tomorrow I'm going to see if Youthlarge will re-teach me how to create a link, but in the meantime, just google 'invisibility cloak'. You'll get lots of hits from various news sites. Now, if someone could only invent a teleporter. Every time I have to go anywhere, I find myself shocked and appalled that I can't simply teleport. Like, I actually have to go meet my friend Papper for lunch right now and I'm going to be late because I have to get there by some mode of transportation other than teleporting. Ridiculous.

Unemployment has brought me closer to Once and Again

2006-05-10T19:48:00.000-04:00

Last Saturday Youthlarge leant me her Once and Again Season 2 box set. For those of you who have not seen Once and Again, you're really missing out. I know, the premise seems a little, ahem, middle-aged. Who wants to watch a show about forty-somethings looking for a second chance at love? Um, I do..........because it RULES! Once and Again is the perfect marriage of everything I loved about thirtysomething when I was 12 and My So-Called Life when I was 18. Gorgeously awkward glimpses into the trials of adulthood and raising a family meshed with the angst of being in high school. Thank you Marshall Herskovitz and Edward Zwick! Oh, and kudos to Winnie Holzman too. JEWS! How I love them. And if you don't believe me, you should have been there for the potato kugel I made for Newell's Seder!

Once and Again is truly small screen magic. Last night around 3:30 AM I decided I had had enough for the night, but then I saw a trailer featuring none other than a certain Mister DB SWEENEY! God I love that guy. He's featured in all of the greats - Eight Men Out, the Cutting Edge and one of my personal favorites, Memphis Belle (a veritable night of a thousand stars!). I just love his big Irish head. Suffice it to say, I forced myself to stay awake for another ep.

I also really love Marin Hinkle. She's so vulnerable and damaged. I just want to give her a big hug and tell her "I know". I mean, basically, the supporting and guest cast are amazing. Steven Weber, Patrick Dempsey, Paul Mazursky, Adam Brody, Shane West, Evan Rachel Wood and JAMES ECKHOUSE (of Bev-Niner fame and who also occasionally directs).

Right now there's a great storyline involving Marin Hinkle and some hot sweaty carpenter / handyman type of guy. She's on the fence as to whether or not she likes him, though it's clear to everyone else, including me, that she's TOTALLY into him. She feels conflicted because she is a college educated uptown girl and he is a lowly carpenter who never even finished high school! It's possible that he's never even read Franny and Zooey - her favorite book! But you know, the sex was really great. And you know what else? I happen to think that he HAS read Franny and Zooey and won't that be a pleasant surprise for her? They totally did this same exact storyline on thirtysomething with Melanie Mayron's character and the guy she hired to paint her loft apartment, Lee Owens (played by Corey Parker). Gets me engrossed every time though.

In case you haven't heard.......

2006-05-10T19:45:00.000-04:00

I've been sacked. This has already come up on the PSG. Total emancipation, yo. I can dig it.

Two weeks and no email sex.

2006-05-05T09:47:00.001-04:00

So, two weeks ago today, I randomly ended up having email sex with this guy I slept with once back in 2001. I'm not really sure how it started, but it took FOREVER! It started around 2:00PM and lasted until around 6:00PM. For this sort of thing, IM is probably a better medium, but I'm old fashioned, so I only like to email. So, the person in question, let's just call him RES (short for Random Email Sex), is married now and no longer available for actual sex. Some think he is no longer available for email sex either.

I've been thinking a lot about the moral and ethical implications of engaging in such behavior and where I stand on all of it. What, if any, moral obligations do I have and to whom? Some of my friends, all guys, feel that the unattached party bears no responsibility whatsoever. This opinion stands for both virtual and actual indiscretions. In the case of the latter, I completely disagree.

There was this guy I was totally crazy about. I met him in 2001, which apparently was a busy year for me, because that was also the year I started dating M, who I ended up going out with for three years. Anyway, he walked into a party at the Chinatown apartment and before I even said a word to him I was like, 'I'm going to marry that guy some day'. It was as if Boston's 'More than a Feeling' was blasting in the background, drowning out the rest of the party. We ended up hooking up a few days later and started a pseudo transatlantic romance (he lived in Brussels at the time). Through the years, we always kept in touch, but nothing ever really panned out for us because we were both in committed relationships and we lived on different continents. Eventually, after my relationship with M ended, he moved back to New York and I thought this might be our chance to finally date for real. But alas, no dice! He was going steady with some Icelandic chippie who was studying in London. I was so bummed! We hung out a bit, but nothing happened. At some point, he and the Icelandic chippie (IC) got engaged, but he was still living in NYC and she was still in London and / or Iceland. Just under a week before they were to be married, we were dancing at the Frying Pan and he TOTALLY put the moves on me. Even though I really wanted him and wished it could work out and that he would choose me at the last minute instead of IC, I still didn't go for it. Because when all is said and done, I DID have an obligation to IC. I couldn't allow the hook-up knowing that there was some girl on another continent who was in love with this guy and about to get married to him, even if HE could. So ultimately, I made the right decision. The funny part is, IC later accused me of having an affair with her husband, so in hindsight, I guess I should have just gone for it, since I got in trouble for it anyway!

Sorry, this entry is all over the place right now, but I promise, I'll tie it all together soon. So, regarding the virtual indiscretion; it was initiated by RES and I sort of just went with it. I had never had any sort of multi-media sex before and was intrigued by the idea of doing it at work, all the while maintaining a seemingly normal facade to my colleagues. It was fun, but to be honest, I really don't want to do it again if for no other reason than it took way too long. I just don't have time for it. Also, the more I thought about it, if my boyfriend or HUSBAND were having email sex with someone they had previously had actual sex with, I would be LIVID.

So, when the email sex was over, RES was like, 'we should definitely do this again'. As stated in the prior paragraph, I didn't want to do it again anyway, but I'm surprised and marginally offended that he hasn't tried to initiate something with me again. WTF? I know why I didn't want to again, but what's his story? Anyway, that was two weeks ago and NOTHING since. Humph, but I'm glad it worked out that way.

Please stop rushing the season.

2006-04-27T19:50:00.000-04:00

Dear Season Rushers,

I love flip flops too. In fact, I love them so much that I want to marry them. I want to be Mrs. China-Latina Flop, but it is simply not time for them yet. Please put your toes away for a couple more weeks. Your toes look silly and cold. Especially when the sun goes down.

Best,
CLC

This just in.......

2006-04-27T11:29:00.000-04:00

SCI FI Announces Caprica

SCI FI Channel announced the development of Caprica, a spinoff prequel of its hit Battlestar Galactica, in presentations to advertisers in New York on April 26. Caprica would come from Galactica executive producers Ronald D. Moore and David Eick, writer Remi Aubuchon (24) and NBC Universal Television Studio. Caprica would take place more than half a century before the events that play out in Battlestar Galactica. The people of the Twelve Colonies are at peace and living in a society not unlike our own, but where high-technology has changed the lives of virtually everyone for the better. But a startling breakthrough in robotics is about to occur, one that will bring to life the age-old dream of marrying artificial intelligence with a mechanical body to create the first living robot: a Cylon. Following the lives of two families, the Graystones and the Adamas (the family of William Adama, who will one day become the commander of the Battlestar Galactica), Caprica will weave together corporate intrigue, techno-action and sexual politics into television's first science fiction family saga, the channel announced.

Truthfully, I'm not sure how I feel about this. But then again, I didn't have any interest in watching Battlestar Galactica in the first place and then I got absolutely hooked! Like, irrationally so. I routinely cry at episodes and am torn between my love for Lee Adama and Kara Thrace. And I'm not even a gay. Starbuck is just that amazing. I don't know if I have the energy to become emotionally involved with a whole new set of characters. We'll see.

I think I might be in love......

2006-04-27T09:49:00.000-04:00

With blogging that is! Youthlarge really busted open Pandora's Box this time. So last night after dinner at Japonica (you can read about it on the PSG blog, still can't link you though), my friend Lauren and I went to get C-Town style massages in the West Ville. They were able to take my friend Lauren immediately, but I had to wait for 20 minutes or so. During that time I stared blankly at a flat screen TV showing a soothing marine life DVD. Lots of bright pretty colors and encephalopods. Which reminds me, if you haven't seen NATURE: Incredible Suckers, you should stop whatever it is that you are currently doing and run, not walk, to the nearest video store. Or Netflick it. For that matter, just go on amazon.com right now and buy it because you'll want to watch it over and over again. I've seen it upwards of 12 times.

While I was waiting, two black gentlemen came in, both wanting 30 minute massages. They were told that it would be about a 30 minute wait from the same Chinese gentleman who told me I would have a 20 minute wait. Then a preppy whitey guy came in and a different Chinese fella (would people be offended if I just started saying C-Man?) told him it would be about a 10 minute wait. I instantly started feeling tense. I knew this bok kwai (white devil) was going to try to pull a fast one on me (an Asian) and the black guy (the other black guy was outside gabbing away on his cell phone). Eventually, C-Man #2 told Bok Kwai that it was his turn. Yeah, I knew it! So I was like 'listen Bok Kwai, we were all here waiting before you even got here'. I think he just shrugged and looked at me stupidly. Then, fortunately, C-Man #1 came and straightened everything out. So I ended up going in for my hour, Bok Kwai got to have his turn and the two black guys just had to wait a couple more minutes so they could get their half hours. I guess they had to wait so they could go at the same time. At least that's what I'm hoping, otherwise I'll just get mad all over again.

The actual massage was fairly uneventful, but VERY relaxing. Though, no matter how many C-Town massages I get (and I've probably broken 100 at this point), I still wonder if they should be getting so close to my spine. Or grinding their elbows into my tailbone............

Hey! I'm making my own blog!

2006-04-26T17:49:00.000-04:00

Today Youthlarge invited me to be a contributor on her Park Slope Gastronome blog, so I accepted. I had never really considered blogging before, but I do love to send really long-winded emails, so I thought I'd give it a try. So this afternoon I made my first post ever, popping my blog cherry as it were. Then a few minutes later I found myself leaving Youthlarge a comment about the bacon she ate this morning. No, really it was just about how I like to eat MY bacon. Then I couldn't stop thinking about making more posts. Like, tonight I'm having sushi with my friend Lauren. Tomorrow when I get to work will I post everything I ate at dinner? Probably. I started getting p-noid that YL would start to feel like I was posting too much and wish she had never invited me to contribute in the first place! So now I'm just going to have my own blog - straight out of C-Town.